Classic and Contemporary Poetry
THE MYSTERIOUS GUEST, by FOWLER BRADNACK First Line: Twas night; the clock had just struck ten Last Line: "and just unscrew my head." | ||||||||
'Twas night; the clock had just struck ten When, with a mighty din, The stage-coach halted at the door Of Smith's hotel in Lynn; An inside passenger got out, Who straight went in the inn. His portly figure was enwrapped In overcoat of shag, While one hand grasped a traveling trunk, The other held a bag; And in the twinkle of his eye You recognized a wag. "Waiter," he cried, "show me a room, I'm tired and travel-sore." The waiter showed him to a room Upon the second floor. "Just stay a moment," said the man, -- The waiter closed the door. "You see," observed the traveler, 'Ere I can take a doze, I'll have to ask a little help In getting off my clothes. For I'm a trifle crippled, And can't pull off my hose. "All right," replied the waiter, Who was a generous elf, "I pities any man," said he, As can't undress himself I'll very soon unrig you, sir, And lay you on the shelf." "'Tis well," resumed the traveler, Who dropped into a chair, "First, hang my wig upon yon peg (And he took off his hair), I'm like a case of glass, said he, And must be touched with care." And as he spoke, he ope'd his mouth, As though it were a trap, And thrust his fingers in the hole -- The waiter heard a snap, And out there rolled two sets of teeth, And fell into his lap. "Now, waiter, just unscrew my arm, But don't look so alarmed; I'm helpless as a sailing ship, Upon a sea becalmed; And when my arms you've taken off You'll see that I am disarmed." The waiter, in astonishment, Upon the traveler gazed, He thought so strange a stranger Must certainly be crazed; But when he saw the arm come off He was still more amazed, And seemed inclined to go away; "A moment more, I beg," Cried out the waggish traveler, "Help me unstrap my leg;" The waiter's hair began to rise As he pulled off the peg. "As sheep in summer," said the man, Rejoice to lose their fleeces, So when I doff my limbs at night My happiness increases; Because I cannot rest in peace Unless I rest in pieces." Then he apostrophized his limbs In strange soliloquy: "Alas!" said he, "one's in the earth, The other's in the sea; But though I will remember them, They can't remember me. Now, bring me here that looking-glass, And I'll take out my eye; Although I am not a party man, A man of parts am I." And as he uttered this joke He laughed as if he'd die. The waiter's hair now stood on end, He trembled with affright; "Surely," thought he, no mortal eyes Ever saw so strange a sight But the man of fractions sat And laughed with all his might. "Now lay my fragments in that box Where they'll be out of sight; Be careful not to drop the eye, And mind the teeth don't bite. My limbs go on my trunk by day, And in my trunk by night." Buy fear held fast the waiter, He merely stood and stared; To see such sad appalling sights He hadn't come prepared. While the traveler only laughed the more To see the man so scared. And putting on a serious look, In solemn accents said, "There's one thing more to do, Before I get in bed; Steady yourself against the wall, And just unscrew my head." | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...EPISTLE TO JOHN LAPRAIK, AN OLD SCOTTISH BARD by ROBERT BURNS PHILOMELA: PHILOMELA'S ODE [THAT SHE SANG IN HER ARBOR] by ROBERT GREENE RECESSIONAL (1) by GEORGIA DOUGLAS JOHNSON THE SOWER AND HIS SEED by WILLIAM EDWARD HARTPOLE LECKY A SONG OF FREEDOM by ALICE MILLIGAN THE RUBAIYAT, 1879 EDITION: 71 by OMAR KHAYYAM JUBILATE AGNO: GARDNER'S TALENT by CHRISTOPHER SMART |
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