Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, HIMALAYA APE, by OLIVER MURRAY EDWARDS


Poetry Explorer

Classic and Contemporary Poetry

HIMALAYA APE, by                    
First Line: Now listen, evolutionists
Last Line: Or of the missing link.
Subject(s): Animals; Apes; Darwin, Charles (1809-1882); Evolution; Pets; Science; Teaching & Teachers; Gorillas; Chimpanzees; Gibbons; Orangutans; Scientists; Educators; Professors


Now listen, Evolutionists,
And show your loyalty,
Your brother, Himalaya Ape,
Is in captivity.
We've had our Him six months or more,
'Tis hard to understand,
Not one of you have called, as yet,
To grasp a brother's hand.

You ought to know your brother Him
In this land of the free;
We keep him a close prisoner
Deprived of liberty.
You certainly should call on Him
And let him understand
Your call is made to welcome him
Into your little band.

I often look at Brother Him
And wonder, when I do,
If Himmy's brothers on "The Hill"
Would grant an interview,
If he should seek a job within
The college Archbold gym—
Director Physical, I think,
Would best suit Brother Him.

He then could teach his relatives
To do stunts and to swim.
Why not give Brother Him a chance?
Why not Professor Him?
At least, Director Physical,
He could have a degree;
He then could have his cards engraved,
Professor Him, D. P.

The Chancellor would hardly know
Our Himmy from his own,
Some talk and think as Himmy does,
Which fact we all bemoan;
They cannot climb the campus trees
And swing from limb to limb,
But still they claim relationship
And call him Brother Him.

A teacher is an animal
Of more or less degree,
Just where they did originate
Is an uncertainty.
Old Darwin had a theory
Some teachers b'lieve is true,
That they came from the monkey tribe,
Some others think so too.

For there are teachers teaching there
Who really think they know
That Him's granddad was their granddad
A few aeons ago.
What teachers teach, I often think,
Is mostly from the head
Else Himmy would not have to wait
Till after he is dead.

A question hypothetical
I now propound to you,
If Him's granddad were your granddad,
If this you think is true,
Could not your little Brother Him
Have little monkeys too?
And further, if we are to give
The subject full review,

If Him's granddad were your granddad,
Then would it not be true,
The children from Himmy's descent
Might evolute from you?
Could not our Himmy demonstrate
Equality with you,
And lend to your decadent line
Agility anew?

And if our little Him's grandkids
Should likewise b'long to you,
And if it is just what you think
And Him is thinking too,
And if he too can use his mouth
And make a lot of talk,
And if he too has ears to hear
And hands and feet to walk,

If Him were learned like yourself,
And wore pants, cap and gown,
And if he had his liberty
To walk around the town,
If Him but knew the things you know,
The Darwin theory,
If you gave Him an equal chance
To talk humanity,

What is it you have over Him
In genealogy?
Is your descent from greater heights
Than Himmy's ancestry?
What is it you are proud to own
Within your theory?
What is it you have over Him
In your theology?

What is it you have over Him
In what you claim to know
About the origin of man
Some centuries ago?
What is it you have over Him
Regarding future life?
What is it you would interpose
'Twixt Himmy and a wife?

I'd buy a radio for Him
If preachers would agree
To preach quite orthodox and not
The Darwin theory.
A preacher with a line like that
Would make Him very sad,
And if they claimed relationship
'Twould make Him awful mad.

If preachers, and professors too,
Were taught by Brother Him,
Instructor to his relatives
Within the college gym,
That bunch would sure be going some
Without a chance to think,
Or talk of monkey ancestry,
Or of the Missing Link.





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