Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, IF I HAD A DONKEY, by ANONYMOUS


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Classic and Contemporary Poetry

IF I HAD A DONKEY, by                    
First Line: If I had a donkey wot wouldn't go
Last Line: "if I had a donkey, etc"
Subject(s): Cruelty;donkeys; Burros


If I had a donkey wot wouldn't go,
D'ye think I'd wollop him? no, no, no;
But gentle means I'd try, d'ye see,
Because I hate all cruelty.
If all had been like me, in fact,
There'd ha' been no occasion for Martin's Act,
Dumb animals to prevent getting crackt
On the head,
For if I had a donkey wot wouldn't go
I never would wollop him -- no, no, no;
I'd give him some hay and cry gee O!
And come up Neddy.

Wot makes me mention this, this morn,
I seed that cruel chap, Bill Burn,
Whilst he was out a crying his greens
His donkey wollop with all his means.
He hit him o'er his head and thighs,
He brought the tears up in his eyes,
At last my blood began to rise,
And I said --
If I had a donkey, etc.

Bill turn'd and said to me, "Then, perhaps,
You're one of these Mr. Martin chaps
Wot now is seeking for occasion
All for to lie an information?"
Though this I stoutly did deny,
Bill up and gave me a blow in the eye,
And I replied, as I let fly
At his head --
If I had a donkey, etc.

Bill's donkey was ordered into Court,
In which he caused a lot of sport;
He cock'd his ears and ope'd his jaws,
As if he wish'd to plead his cause,
I prov'd I'd been uncommonly kind,
The ass got a verdict -- Bill got fined;
For his worship and I were of one mind,
And he said --
If I had a donkey, etc.

Bill said, "Your worship, it's very hard,
But 'tisn't the fine that I regard;
But times are come to a pretty pass,
When you mustn't beat a stubborn ass."
His worship said nothing, but shut his book,
So Billy off his donkey took,
The same time giving me such a look
For I said -- Bill
If I had a donkey, etc.





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